"Look, honey! A Frenchman with a baguette is scowling at us! Let's take a photo!"

Dear Obnoxiously American Tourists,

Please stop embarrassing me when you come to Paris. The fact that everyone around you is speaking another language does not mean they are mentally handicapped or incapable of understanding you when you insult "that funny French guy's borderline-gay scarf." I’ll give you another hint: if the Eiffel Tower is getting smaller as you walk, you’re going the wrong way. I wish I were exaggerating. Pardon is the same word in English and means exactly the same thing. Learn it, love it, live it.

And in the name of all that is holy, please stop buying those berets with PARIS in block letters on the front. You look ridiculous. French people make fun of you. Just stop.

Most Sincerely,
Annelise